Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
