Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
