OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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