Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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