I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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