We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
