Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
