apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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