You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
