Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
