So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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