my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Less talking, more tequila
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
