I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
