I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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