I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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