I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
