I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
