Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
