Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
