Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
