i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
there's paper in my vomit.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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