My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
