I'm so fucking centered right now
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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