It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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