I just made out with a guy for $7.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
