I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
