I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
