I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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