btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
