Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
How naked do you want me to be?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
