I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Randomize
