So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
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A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
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Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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