yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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