Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
