Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
