we're blogging at a bar
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
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You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
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I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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