oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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