You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
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Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
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When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize