it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
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I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
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Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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