Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
