Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
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Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
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just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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