worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
