It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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