Got a toothbrush?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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