it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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