i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize