your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
