and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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