I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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