Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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