I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
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He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
So. Much. Porn.
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