we made out on top of his cat.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
