Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
