Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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