a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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