if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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