dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
