I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
