I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ATM looks so different sober.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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