Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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