Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
