ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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