Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
