Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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