just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The Olympian is in my bed
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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