awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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