We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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