Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
