We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
