my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
