bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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