If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
