Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
