You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
