i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Did I show you my penis last night?
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My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
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If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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