so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
