Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
