I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
